Prayer

My relationship with prayer has been tested and has nearly come to a breaking point, especially in 2020. Prayer is talking to God, genuinely seeing Him, and hearing Him. For an exceptionally long time, even though I grew up in a Christian household it never really clicked that God could talk back so when He first did, it felt so personal, so much realer and closer than I ever imagined, and it was definitely a wake-up call.

I was in this place now that was transactional, He spoke, I spoke, and it was fascinating. I just wanted to know and see more of Him ALL THE TIME. But what happens when He starts to tell you things you really are not trying to hear? This time I was not trying to hear to let go of some relationships, it did not make sense to me. When I finally did, prayer was the key to it. When people or situations change and those things were your stability/identity you hit a breaking point, and this is exactly what happened to me. I had to learn to live in God and that is not an easy switch, it is a gradual and sometimes painful process. Through this process, I have never prayed so much in my life, I would write out prayers to God about EVERYTHING and stick them all over my bedroom wall. Most of the time when I was writing, I would break down being completely overwhelmed by the power of God and He began to heal me in these moments. These moments were so personal, so intimate and I am grateful for each of them.

Prayer to me back then was just my way of talking to God but what I didn’t realise is that in those moments when I was praying for those relationships I had lost and those who had hurt me, it was like I was literally pouring His love out over them, giving them and wishing them the best in life, more than I’d wish for myself... and it’s in this place of prayer that I truly began to love these people and then and only then could I let them go. It's also in this place of prayer when I began to love myself and let myself be loved by God and He placed in me such a confidence and a strong identity that is foundational to this day.

Prayer heals you and heals the person you are praying for, it blesses them and pours out His love on them and it helps you completely let go of any hate or negative feelings towards them and replaces it with love. Now, because of that time, God became the most important thing to me, He became my One Thing. I am indebted to Him and forever grateful because in that time, He healed years of damage and trauma and made me strong in Him and placed such a desire for Him that burned and grew. Prayer changed my life and continues to change it and challenge it.

Within prayer is the peace you so desperately long for and the resolution you may have never had. I love prayer because it is honest. There are no secrets between you and God, and He is the only one who truly knows you and on top of that accepts you. In prayer, you can talk to God about anything, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Prayer can be done anywhere at any time in any place, God is accessible all the time and He is speaking all the time. God will ALWAYS accept you; it is not dependent on how you pray, or the verses you quote, and your prayers do not have to be formal or rehearsed for Him to respond. Be you when you do pray and your relationship with Him will continue to grow in truth.